Lately, for personal reasons, I have been confronted with this metaphor as an explanation or a justifications for cutting ties. It had be gnawing at me for a while and I suppose either my subconscious or my instinct told me there was something wrong about this explanation. I now have an answer and I think it is important enough a revelation that I might share it with you.
First, a quick decomposition.
The expression goes: that's the last straw, that broke the camel's (or other beast of burden's) back.
The beast of burden is usually a metaphor for some one's tolerance or patience towards something or someone and the straw(s) on it's back some kind of irritant that wears on the tolerance.
Let's call the camel's owner: the second party.
Now I'm not one placed to judge any one's tolerances or patience, but in each case where this explanation will be used, you should consider that the person or entity you are dealing with, is themselves, bringing up their ability to tolerate or the quantity of patience they have. Which in any case should force you to examine exactly just how tolerant or patient they are.
To pursue the metaphor, it forces us to look at the camel and see just how big and or strong it may, or may not be.
Secondly, it begs to examine exactly the burden that is been be put upon it. If someone says they "can't take it anymore", there is an opportunity there to examine what exactly are the emotional (or other) impositions/transgressions that have been beset upon them.
Let's call the camel's owner: the second party.
Now I'm not one placed to judge any one's tolerances or patience, but in each case where this explanation will be used, you should consider that the person or entity you are dealing with, is themselves, bringing up their ability to tolerate or the quantity of patience they have. Which in any case should force you to examine exactly just how tolerant or patient they are.
To pursue the metaphor, it forces us to look at the camel and see just how big and or strong it may, or may not be.
Secondly, it begs to examine exactly the burden that is been be put upon it. If someone says they "can't take it anymore", there is an opportunity there to examine what exactly are the emotional (or other) impositions/transgressions that have been beset upon them.
Even so, the conclusion may become a rather bitter examination all in all of the situation. Like I was saying this may be a explanation or a justification for taking some drastic actions, though I cannot, in all good consciousness, say it is necessarily a good one.
Depending on your level of intimacy with the second party relating that "that's the last straw", you might be inclined to wonder: "why did they wait so long before evaluating the camel's ability and hence saving it's back?" That's a good question.
Depending on your level of intimacy with the second party relating that "that's the last straw", you might be inclined to wonder: "why did they wait so long before evaluating the camel's ability and hence saving it's back?" That's a good question.
Because you see, these figurative camels, belong to the second party and can be conjured up with rather ease and their value subjective. Not to mean that they are an infinite ressource, but essentially the actual "value" or ability of anyone's tolerances can also be a choice.
So given a particular relationship, patience may be abundant one way and towards another it may not. This is entirely discretionary and subjective. But again, because of the way the second party is expressing it, they have suggested at least that it was a pretty good investment or a good effort on their side, because let's face it, camels aren't supposed to be cheap or weak, right?
Well that's kind of the point. The "offended" party has a certain upkeep of their camel(s) to do, if they have any value. And if out of the blue their camel just all of a sudden breaks and in all honesty that takes you aback there was another problem hiding. I am here to tell you that if they really ever valued the relationship they probably would have communicated "the reaching of the upper limits" of the camel's capacity before reaching the breaking point.
In other words, if they can't be bothered to unload or deal with bad feelings or irritants with you, the relationship was probably not what you you thought in the first place. And I know this can come as a pretty startling surprise sometimes.
This becomes even more evident when an ongoing relationship that has had the usual peeks and valleys with the usual "transgressions" which have always been worked out, then all of a sudden the second party's camel's back drops. If you are confident that "the last straw" wasn't that big a transgression as to account for an immediate collapse, you have to re-evaluate the camel. Some judgment is required here to ensure that there haven't been a succession of major transgressions, so not much judgment is needed, just a good conscience.
This is where the metaphor gets interesting.
Perhaps the camel has aged. Or maybe it is simply sick or weak. In any case, you may have had a good chance to see just how strong the camel was up until now and have a decent ability to assess just how the camel has changed. So finally if your second party's tolerance just isn't up to it's own standards anymore, perhaps there is a message there that you should move on.
So given a particular relationship, patience may be abundant one way and towards another it may not. This is entirely discretionary and subjective. But again, because of the way the second party is expressing it, they have suggested at least that it was a pretty good investment or a good effort on their side, because let's face it, camels aren't supposed to be cheap or weak, right?
Well that's kind of the point. The "offended" party has a certain upkeep of their camel(s) to do, if they have any value. And if out of the blue their camel just all of a sudden breaks and in all honesty that takes you aback there was another problem hiding. I am here to tell you that if they really ever valued the relationship they probably would have communicated "the reaching of the upper limits" of the camel's capacity before reaching the breaking point.
In other words, if they can't be bothered to unload or deal with bad feelings or irritants with you, the relationship was probably not what you you thought in the first place. And I know this can come as a pretty startling surprise sometimes.
This becomes even more evident when an ongoing relationship that has had the usual peeks and valleys with the usual "transgressions" which have always been worked out, then all of a sudden the second party's camel's back drops. If you are confident that "the last straw" wasn't that big a transgression as to account for an immediate collapse, you have to re-evaluate the camel. Some judgment is required here to ensure that there haven't been a succession of major transgressions, so not much judgment is needed, just a good conscience.
This is where the metaphor gets interesting.
Perhaps the camel has aged. Or maybe it is simply sick or weak. In any case, you may have had a good chance to see just how strong the camel was up until now and have a decent ability to assess just how the camel has changed. So finally if your second party's tolerance just isn't up to it's own standards anymore, perhaps there is a message there that you should move on.
Because it becomes painfully obvious that despite your expectations, you've been told that you have gone too far. With no option to redeem it. It's broken.
Lastly, consider this: People are far more tolerant when they are unfulfilled, hungry and eager. People can become complacent and intolerant when they believe they either have everything they need elsewhere or have nothing to lose. So if the second party in your situation seems unreasonably unwilling to negotiate or deal with situations you should at least contemplate the idea that you have been somehow replaced in their needs.
